I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize