I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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