The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize