Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize