wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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