WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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