I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
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i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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