hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize