So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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