I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Everclear isn't food dammit
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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