my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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