hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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