a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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