i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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