if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize