Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize