happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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