I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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