i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize