you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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