Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize