never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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