I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize