Kiss
Puke
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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