my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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