And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We got so high we made milksteak
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I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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