I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize