There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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