I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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