I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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