My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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