He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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