god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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