she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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