..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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