I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize