He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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