I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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