So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize