I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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