We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
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I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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