One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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