i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
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well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I believe in your delicious
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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