So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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