Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize