Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
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just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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