I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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