Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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