Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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