Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize