Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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